The Steele/McFly Hiatus
posted by Seamus McFly on March 8, 2009 @ 2:47pm
For those keeping score at home, we only provided release dates for the first three episodes of the World Tour. This release schedule of one episode every two weeks has been fantastic but we're out of material. Seriously, every single thing we've written or recorded for this season has already been released in the first three episodes. Now, you're panicking, I can see it from here. Stop panicking, Episode 4 (and many more beyond that) are on their way just as soon as we make them. We're not three episode teases like Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. We're also not a Sing-Along Blog. We're a Podcast/World Tour. Big difference.
In the meantime, however, you won't have to live your life Steele/McFly-less. Starting next week, we will be exclusively offering The Steele/McFly Hiatus as a text-only episode delivered exclusively through blog posts here at steelemcfly.com! Cop-out due to lack of new material? Cash-in on the highly profitable Steele/McFly name? More like, rockin'-out due to lack of new material. And, like, awesome-in on the highly profitable whatever I just wrote.
So keep yourself tuned in for the first part of The Steele/McFly Hiatus next week. And in the meantime, enjoy the ten episodes we already have. You can listen to it more than once. This is allowed.
The Hiatus (Part 1)
posted by Seamus McFly on March 16, 2009 @ 12:16pm
“Welcome to the Mountain of Monkeys!” Ireland Steele shouts into the microphone with reckless abandon. He glances at his co-star, Seamus McFly, who gives him a slight nod. Steele takes a deep breath before speaking again, “How was that?” McFly nods, more furiously this time and calmly asks, “Could you run that line one more time, exactly like that?” Steele stops, clears his throat and screams, “This, my friends, is the Mountain of Monkeys! I welcome you to it!” McFly gives a thumbs up as he stops the recording. Their producer, known to the world only as Chefgon, finally interjects. “Wait, that wasn't exactly like the first time at all,” he plainly states.
The mysterious Chefgon only ever appears to his producees via a sophisticated video monitor system but his face is always digitally blurred for his own protection, as well as his voice being digitally altered. Steele and McFly have had lengthy discussions concerning how pointless the whole sophisticated video monitor system is, given that his face is never visible. He rarely involves himself in the recording process of each episode, with the exception of an annual sit-in that the podcast stars have grown to despise. Of course, he had only been their producer for six months, so they've really only grown to despise it over the past 20 minutes.
McFly rolls his eyes at his producer and explains as clearly (and pretentiously) as he knows how, “Steele never records a line the same way twice. That's why he's such an asset, artistically.” Before giving anyone a chance to respond, Ireland Steele interrupts with an unrelated comment, “Speaking of which, what's the deal with the Mountain of Monkeys? Are we really building a whole episode around this?” Steele pauses for a moment and finally says the most terrifying collection of words in the English language, “I think we've jumped the shark.”
TO BE CONTINUED...
The Hiatus (Part 2)
posted by Seamus McFly on March 30, 2009 @ 7:03pm
McFly immediately gets defensive, “Clearly, the subtle subtexts were well over your head. Think about it, a mountain of monkeys. A mountain: strong, sturdy, covered in snow and goats. And add to that, monkeys: fast, wily, impossible to catch. Together, these create an unstoppable force, the Mountain of Monkeys. And our characters, Ireland and Seamus, feel like they're a Mountain of Monkeys that can never be stopped. So, when the evil business owner tries to tear it down to build a monkey sweatshop, our protagonists, Ireland and Seamus, feel they have to do something about it. So, when they fail and the mountain is torn down, they learn they're not a mountain of monkeys after all. They're more of a lagoon of lobsters. And that sets up why they run for senate.”
Silence befalls the whole room. After a moment, Steele speaks, “I have never been so overjoyed to eat my own words.” McFly, without missing a beat, responds, “Delicious, aren't they?” Steele nods knowingly. Chefgon, having just witnessed the entirety of this nonsense, is once again forced to interject, “But do you really need to have monkeys in the room with you?” McFly glances back at the cage behind him with a look of pure terror in his eyes. He turns back to the monitor, quickly regaining his composure, “Poor naive Chefgon, you know better than anyone that we never use stock sound effects. If we can't record it ourselves, it doesn't appear in our show. What, do you think we've just been impersonating Sean Connery all this time?” He laughs with noticeably too much delight.
“Those monkeys aren't cheap, you know!” Chefgon fires back.
“We maintain our budget of zero dollars for our show. That's why we have you to pay for everything.” McFly states as though it were a logical thought.
“You don't think you're being a little cavalier with the budget? At this rate, we won't have any money left for the animated Christmas special,” Chefgon pleads.
McFly turns away for dramatic effect, “I didn't much care for the Christmas special idea.” With the cage of monkeys once again in his field of vision, he promptly turns back.
“I think we both know you didn't mean that,” the producer says slowly.
Seamus crosses his arms and shrugs, “Maybe I don't celebrate Christmas. It offends my religion or something.”
McFly's thoughts suddenly turn to his hat. He didn't remember putting on a hat today and is surprised at how fuzzy it is to the touch. The monkey leaps from McFly's head to the nearby desk. McFly starts hyperventilating before he manages to shout the second most terrifying collection of words in the English language, “MONKEY BREAKOUT!”
TO BE CONTINUED...
The Hiatus (Part 3)
posted by Red Green on May 20, 2009 @ 5:26pm
Hey everyone, Red Green here from the Red Green Show. I’ve been invited here to share a few thoughts on hiatuses. Now I know it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of fake episode updates about sharks and monkeys, but that doesn’t mean you should get all upset and start sending out hate mail when an update takes a little longer than you were expecting. Take Harold, after getting impatient waiting for the new Hiatus he set up his computer to send an angry letter every ten seconds until the site was updated. While this is very amusing, it’s much easier to just complain passively to the person sitting next to you.
I think the biggest problem is that nobody is willing to just drink away their problems anymore. Who has time to check a website when they’re passed out face down in an alley or arguing about the finer points of fly fishing with a coat rack? So next time you want to harass some podcast celebrities about infrequent updates, take a moment to consider if you wouldn’t rather be killing just enough of your brain cells to leave you babbling incoherently at your friends about how much you miss MASH. You may just save yourself from wasting a lot of time that could have been better wasted elsewhere.
Remember, I’m pullin’ for ya, we’re all in this together.
The Hiatus (Part 4)
posted by Chefgon on May 22, 2009 @ 6:56pm
CRAZED MONKEYS CAPTURED AFTER 10 HOUR CAVORT IN PRODUCTION STUDIO
Earlier this evening, Police finished capturing the last of the escaped monkeys that have been terrorizing beloved podcast studio Steele/McFly Productions for the better part of the day. With the help of local Apeologists and Monkeymaticians, officials successfully contained the primates by linking them together by the elbows and lowering the chain into a large plastic barrel.
While they were loose, the monkeys inflicted considerable damage to the studio and may have permanently damaged the psyche of Seamus McFly, one of the podcast’s famous personalities. It seems that Mr. McFly has an intense fear of monkeys, but he brought them onto the set because of his even more intense distaste for inauthentic sound effects.
“It wasn’t so bad at first when they were just screeching and throwing knives,” recalled the still-shaken McFly, “but when they all started riding around on roller skates and making silly faces with their lips I just started to lose it. Do they really think that’s funny?”
Among the damages was a complex video feed system commonly used by the studio’s owner to broadcast his censored image so that nobody could learn his true identity. When questioned about whether he would choose to replace the questionably useful system, he replied that he was already underway with a new, even more complicated holographic system that could project his concealed appearance in three dimensions.
“Now my employees will be able to not quite see me in excruciating detail” he told our reporter over the phone.
There were several other witnesses to the madness, mostly guest stars who had just arrived to record their cameo appearances when the monkeys got lose. Their recollections of the event were varied. A Canadian lodge member professed that he had to call his wife to tell her he was getting home late, a pirate captain of questionable sobriety lamented that the monkeys drank all his rum, a sith lord swears that the monkeys possessed powers that many would consider unnatural, and a former politician seemed very concerned about how the monkeys may have affected global warming.
Keanu Reeves could not be reached for comment because he had been eaten by a T-Rex.
It’s still unclear exactly how the monkeys broke loose in the first place, but early speculation points to a flaw in the structural integrity of their paper mache cages. Action Sunshine News was able to catch up with the mysterious traveling monkey salesman who originally sold the monkeys to the podcasting duo, who had this to add,
“Monkeys!? Christopher, that’s fantastic! Where’s my martini?”
With the mysterious salesman’s input proving less than helpful, the mystery of the monkey breakout may never be resolved.
The Hiatus (Part 5)
posted by Ireland Steele on May 27, 2009 @ 10:55pm
Monkey’s Story
“We’re being hunted,” I whispered, “In the trees over there, it’s alright I got her.” I crept slowly forward, preparing my banana gun for the epic Jason Isaacs flip from The Patriot.
All of a sudden, a rustling to my left, and out she stepped. Emma Watson herself, wand pointed straight at my love struck face. The gun fell from my hands, I was powerless to resist.
“What’s that Christopher? Oh really? I wasn’t aware Dillards’ sold automatic toenail clippers. 50% off you say? My my, might have to bust out some Ming Dynasty artifacts to trade. Did you try the elevator when you were there? You did? Now wait a second- what’s the one descriptive word that comes to mind thinking about those elevators. YES—ROOMY—BY GEORGE CHRISTOPHER ONCE AGAIN YOU REALLY HIT THE JEDI BANG SMACK ON THE HEAD! Anyway got to run, I’m running a new monkey selling business, tell the wife I said hello.. oh you sick sick man…”
I awoke in a cage, my mind in a confused fog. Who was this man? Where have they taken me? And, more importantly, How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I sprang to my feet, eager for answers, praying the monkey gods had left me a Tootsie Pop. Surprisingly there were two. I eagerly opened one and went to work on the tedious counting process. Minutes passed and we started to move.
13, 14, 15, 16...
I noticed out of the corner of my eye I was not alone; it seemed this fellow with the funny accent was a monkey collector of sorts. I pondered the thought of thinking about what he may do with us all, then decided even initiating the thinking of the thought was unworthy of my time and resumed my counting.
102, 103, 104, 105…
We had stopped now and our captor was chatting with a shady looking chap with long black greasy hair parted like curtains around his face. “I need monkeys for my potions,” he hissed. But I was almost there I could sense the center; I was on the verge of a massive breakthrough for monkey and man alike!
391, 392, 393…
“394,” the greasy man said to my captor. I was flabbergasted. How was this possible? How had he known? My whole life is an epic failure; I stood up and wailed aloud for the world to hear.
“My line has ended! I am fit for nothing more than to be imprisoned in a sound studio providing legitimate monkey sound effects.” And now here I am staring out at the two podcast stars working away.
McFly seems like he’s afraid of me; every few seconds he flashes a nervous glance in my direction. I am beginning to wonder if he’s all there in the head. Perhaps he’s one oven short of a decent meal. Or two movies short of a trilogy. Possibly the wheel’s still turning but the hamster’s dead. Even more likely is quite simply he’s one iceberg short of a decent chick flick. I find myself hating him. I can feel the rage building inside me. I know I’m on the verge of a monkey meltdown of terrifying consequence. But I recite some poetry and hold my nerve.. until the man in the hood spoke
“Gooooood,” he snarled, “use your hatred, strike me down!”
I turned to my fellow colleagues and screamed “BREAK THE DOORS DOWN”
Pandemonium ensued. My low swinging sidekick was hit by force lightning. I myself hit McFly with a Tootsie Pop wrapper. Three of my colleagues scampered through the door clutching a bottle of rum with a staggering pirate hot on their heels shouting about only having one shot. Keanu Reeves was eaten by a T-Rex and, possibly most importantly, I saw the face of the mysterious Chefgon!
I had to escape, find a monkey sketch artist, and tell the world what I had seen. I ran for the door, but NO it was blocked by a tall dark skinned man in a very flashy suit. He was carrying a funny looking instrument which he pressed towards my face.
“Now I need you to look right into the red light,” he said “NO WILL,” someone cried from inside, “NOT THE MEMORY FLASHER THINGY.”
Too late.
I awoke in a cage, my mind in a confused fog. Who was this man? Where have they taken me? And, more importantly, How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I sprang to my feet, eager for answers, praying the monkey gods had left me a Tootsie Pop. Surprisingly there were two. I eagerly opened one and went to work on the tedious counting process.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
The Hiatus (Part 6)
posted by Chefgon on May 28, 2009 @ 11:12pm
Ireland and Seamus approached with pause,
was this Mountain of Monkeys a worthy cause?
If the evil businessman has his way
the monkey mountain would be plowed away.
And in its place, a sweatshop would be built,
does the businessman feel no guilt?
"Of course we must do something while the night is still young"
cried Ireland Steele at the top of his lungs
"if we allow him to complete his terrible plot,
we'll be no better than him, celebrities or not!"
McFly pondered the Irishman's words,
it seemed irrelevant that they were completely absurd.
"By George you're right, my Irish friend,
we must bring this sweatshop plan to an end!"
Seamus stopped and rose his finger to the sky,
"You will never get away with this, you evil guy!"
Ireland Steele turned to Seamus McFly
and said to his friend, a small tear in his eye,
"We're sort of like heroes, saving the monkeys like this,
we're always there to help whenever things are amiss."
Seamus McFly liked where this thought was going,
his overgrown pride was already showing.
"You know, we're sort of like this mountainous source,
the two of us together are an unstoppable force!
A Mountain of Monkeys is what we've always been,
strong and wily, covered in goats to the end."
The Irish Magician wasted no time to concur,
"Now let's go stop that evil entrepreneur!"
The podcast stars turn back to the peak,
and a shock sets in.. they can hardly speak.
While they were talking the mountain was purged,
and right under their noses a sweatshop emerged.
A moment of silence while the reality set in,
how was it possible that the businessman could win?
"Maybe we're not a Mountain of Monkeys at all,"
said Ireland Steele to break up the stall
"We jumped into this hero thing just a little too soon,
at this point in our careers we're more like a lobster lagoon."
"That sounds about right" his co-star agreed,
"but at least we tried to do a good deed.
Maybe if we were in a position of power
we'd be better equipped to save more monkeys per hour."
Quick to interrupt, Steele had to proclaim
"If we were on the Senate we'd have endless fame!
People would have to listen to whatever we say,
we'd have no trouble keeping the bad guys at bay."
The Hiatus (Part 7)
posted by Seamus McFly on June 18, 2009 @ 10:44pm
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy contains an entry on the subject of the hiatus, which reads as follows:
The term “hiatus” was invented by a group of exceedingly lazy and self-important people who thought their jobs, which were already tremendously easy, were getting in the way of their excessive laziness. A hiatus allows these individuals to abandon their work without explanation to better spend their time sleeping in hammocks or attending more dinner parties. While the hiatus frees a person of all their obligations, the only rule that is required of those on hiatus is not to do any work at all. The penalty for breaking this rule is some very awkward dinner party conversation when fellow partygoers inevitably ask why, if you're not doing work, do you not get off your lazy arse and do what you were actually supposed to be doing in the first place.
The most noteworthy exception to this rule is the Steele/McFly Podcast, whose attempt at a hiatus resulted in an expansive project that had nothing to do with the show they were supposed to be making. All that they managed to accomplish through this painstaking and agonizing project was to deeply offend the Union of Monkey Performers (or UMP) and manage to get their studio, Steele/McFly Productions closed down indefinitely by the Federal Communications Commission. The FCC, under pressure from a number of monkey lobbyists, opted to step up their punishments by closing Steele/McFly Productions by decimating it with a small neutron bomb and detaining any hapless person who happened to have visited their website in the past six months in an undisclosed location. These unfortunate individuals returned several weeks later with no recollection of the event and a strong drive to purchase seasons of 24 on DVD.
The Guide also has this to say about Steele/McFly Productions:
Steele/McFly Productions is highly renowned as the only business venture in the universe where profits are a statistical impossibility. Its founders, Ireland Steele and Seamus McFly, openly burglarize so much copyrighted material that it is widely speculated that any attempt to make a profit on it would result in their studio, as well as everything else in a three block radius, being ripped from the earth and jettisoned into deep space. In fact, in his short autobiography (at only 32 words long), Seamus McFly explained the show's usual writing process as “go to movies, put their stuff in our show, claim it's ours.” Ireland Steele's biography, spanning several thousand pages, dedicated about 200 pages to the topic but pretty much says the exact same thing. They only got corporate funding after the show's two writers presented business mogul and all-around rich person, Chefgon, with a complex scheme about how he could make money off the project without either of them knowing. The scheme worked and is widely considered Steele and McFly's greatest idea to date, in spite of its overdependence on their own inherent stupidity.
The studio has, of course, since been shut down in a well-publicized neutron bombing, later chronicled in the made-for-TV film, “The Trial and Subsequent Neutron Bombing of Steele and McFly: The FCC Story.” It has been presumed that the last words of the three masterminds behind Steele/McFly Productions were something along the lines of, “Maybe that Hiatus thing wasn't such a good idea after all.” Their actual last words have been lost forever because, to be quite honest, nobody was really paying attention.
DISCLAIMER: Much of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has been proven grievously inaccurate, so some or all of these entries may be a complete fabrication.
The Hiatus (Part 8)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 9:57am
EMERGENCY!
Episode 5 of the Steele/McFly World Tour has gone missing. It was expected to appear online at 12 midnight last night, but it failed to show up and nobody has heard from it.
Initial speculation is that it has been kidnapped by dissatisfied Steele/McFly fans who are now protesting outside of Steele/McFly Productions. Current word is that they refuse to allow any more episodes to air until the Hiatus has been properly resolved. It seems that they consider it to be unfair that new episodes have begun to air without the text-only Hiatus episode ever receiving an ending. They are marching back and forth in front of the studio carrying signs that say "What about the Senate?" and "Don't forget the monkeys!"
I, your heartless producer, will do everything in my power to get this mess cleaned up as soon as possible and get Episode 5 on the air before the day is over. I don't normally negotiate with protesters, but we haven't missed a release date yet and there's still 14 hours left in this day to make it right! Keep your eyes on this space for updates as this story progresses.
The Hiatus (Part 8-1)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 12:06pm
UPDATE!
I have talked to the protesters and they have indeed kidnapped Episode 5. They assure me that it is unharmed and that it will be released immediately if their demands are met. They have provided me with this photograph as evidence that they have the episode captive but unharmed.
They have provided me with the following list of demands:
- An Ending to the Hiatus
- One Signed copy of Shaq-Fu
- Four large sheets of Transparent Aluminum
- A Helicopter, flown by Mr Sulu, to deliver said Aluminum
- The frequency for the transmitters on the whales
- Free Steele/McFly T-Shirts
I'm sure you will all agree that these demands are unreasonable. I will never, EVER give away free merchandise from the Steele/McFly store. Don't they know we're trying to run a business here?
I am left with only one option: a daring infiltration of the protester's secret headquarters to rescue the episode myself. It's funny, I could swear I had a secret secret agent on my payroll, but I can't seem to remember who it was.
Looks like this one is up to me.
Twelve Hours Remain...
The Hiatus (Part 8-2)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 2:09pm
HELICOPTER!
Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, our heroes yell to each other over the deafening sound of the helicopter's propellers...
Chefgon: "How much farther to the secret enemy headquarters?"
Mr Sulu: "One second at maximum warp."
Chefgon: "How long at maximum Helicopter speed?"
Mr Sulu: "Oh, maybe a day or two."
Chefgon: "That's not fast enough, we only have ten hours before our episode premiere is late!"
Chefgon (into communicator): "Scotty, I need more power to the engines! Give her all she's got!"
Mr Sulu: "Scotty isn't here, this is a Huey."
Chefgon: "Oh right. Aren't you from the distant future? How do you know how to fly a helicopter?"
Mr Sulu: "I flew something similar in my academy days."
Chefgon: "Right, then this must be old stuff to you."
Mr Sulu: "Old, yes, but interesting."
Chefgon nods his head awkwardly.
Chefgon: "Look, even without Scotty we need to get to this secret base right away."
Mr Sulu: "Well if you need to be there right away then why don't we just beam over?"
Chefgon: "Because there's deposits of some kind of crazy mineral in the rocks and we're low on power and there's some kind of jamming field or something!"
Mr Sulu stares blankly at Chefgon for several seconds.
Chefgon: "Okay fine I just wanted you to fly the Huey. Geeze! It's like you have no appreciation for Star Trek IV nostalgia at all! Fine, we'll just beam over there. That's cool too.. I guess."
Mr Sulu (into communicator): "Scotty, two to beam down."
Chefgon: "Wait, wha..?"
Chefgon's protest is cut off as our heroes dematerialize out of the helicopter's cockpit. Ten hours remain to recover the stolen episode from the evil protesters.
The Hiatus (Part 8-3)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 3:58pm
ESPIONAGE!
Chefgon, checking in.
After rematerializing on the beach of an ominous island somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, Mr Sulu and I proceeded to hide behind a pile of conveniently placed rocks while some unusually informative guards wandered by on their patrol. It seems that even the lowliest of guards in this organization are privy to the most top secret information.
"So how about kidnapping that World Tour episode, eh? That was pretty awesome."
"No kidding, and those podcast guys will never get it back!"
"It's a good thing we decided to guard the episode in room 27A, located on the third level basement of our secret facility, which is just past that grove of palm trees, then hang a right, and then walk about a mile up the path. If you see the Denny's then you passed it."
"I know where it is, you idiot."
"Well yeah I was just sayin'. It wouldn't matter even if they did know where it was because it's being guarded by half a dozen of our most easily foiled henchmen."
"Duh, everybody knows that. I'm hungry, let's go guard something over by the Denny's."
After the guards wandered away, we worked our way up the path towards the secret enemy facility. We encountered a few more patrols along the way, but they were easily dispatched with Mr Sulu's skills at indistinct asian continent martial arts and fencing skills. I appreciate that he's good with a sword and everything, but I really wish he would put his shirt back on.
When we arrived at the facility, I went in alone as Sulu distracted the guards by asking if they knew how to get to an orchestra. I hope he makes it out okay, because I have no idea how to beam back off of this island by myself.
I am currently working my way through some surprisingly spacious and sturdy ductwork that has no problem supporting my size and weight. Conveniently located vents allow me to view every room I pass and listen in on conversations while those in the rooms below are somehow unable to hear the sound of a person crawling through the ducts. I am systematically working my way down to the third level basement. 8 hours to go...
The Hiatus (Part 8-4)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 6:06pm
SHOWDOWN!
As I approach room 27A I can feel my muscles getting tense. In my mind I know that a 1:6 Hero to Henchman ratio is a cakewalk, but in my heart I can feel the fear building up. Will I be able to squeeze off six rounds from the deadly accurate ray gun that I am suddenly carrying before my bumbling enemies can let loose the 100 shots required to land a single blow on me? The odds in my favor are good. Almost too good. But not absolute. What I need is a foolhardy employee to do the dirty work for me. If only Mr Sulu were here.
I can hear my heart beating as I inch ever closer to my destination. I round a corner. I can see them now, six henchmen guarding room 27A. Three of them are sleeping, one appears to be both deaf and blind, and the remaining two are engrossed in a game of high stakes poker. They can't see me. Though they are clearly within my sights, I am still outside of the average henchman's ten foot range of vision. I approach slowly, fine tuning my plan of attack. I find a small, seemingly pointless partial wall sticking out from the side of the corridor to use for cover. I turn and rest my back against it. There's no going back now.
I hold my breath, raise my weapon, and turn to face my enemies.
I suddenly find myself distracted by the sound of a door opening. I pause, and turn back behind my cover. Peering beyond the wall I see a shadowy figure standing in the now open entrance to room 27A.
"The hourglass is running out.. on the World Tour release window."
Where have I heard that raspy French voice before? Before I have a chance to think about it, I hear another voice pierce through the air.
"Hold it right there, Dr Stratenov!"
Another figure appears at the far end of the corridor. I can't make out who it is. Is it possible that I'm not the only one trying to recover the episode?
"I should have known it was you behind this marginally evil scheme. You've always been jealous of our fame."
S-Seamus McFly? What is he doing here? Is it possible that in addition to being worked like a dog for no money at Steele/McFly Productions he has also been working as a secret secret agent in secret? Remind me to raise his insurance premiums when this is over.
"I expected more from you, Doc. It was almost too easy to gain access to your secret base. Felix overrode your pathetic security in seconds and my trusty explosion proof vest took care of the rest."
Before I know it Seamus and Dr Stratenov are engaged in an epic battle between good and evil. Having made a career of carefully straddling those two extremes, I decide not to get involved. The commotion does, however, create an opening for me to sneak past the distracted guards and enter room 27A.
I've made it. My body feels more relaxed despite the copious amounts of violence ringing loudly in the corridor behind me. The episode is unguarded. I retrieve it and stuff it into my pocket. Mission accomplished. Now all that's left is getting out of here alive and returning to Steele/McFly Productions to air it before midnight. I have six hours to make it happen. I hold my breath, raise my weapon, and turn to face my enemies.
The Hiatus (Part 8-5)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 8:12pm
ESCAPE!
The henchmen drop like flies. The distraction of the battle between Seamus and Doctor Stratenov raging in the background made them even more helpless than usual.
I exit the room and head down the corridor away from the action. No need to get involved in the danger, and besides, Seamus has no idea what I look like. I don't need him to mistake me for a henchman.
I don't remember how to get out of here. Why do evil madmen build such complicated buildings? You'd think that being insane would make them too impatient for such complex architectural designs, but sure enough they always turn out to be into some kind of crazy new age designs that think just a little too far outside the box. Personally, if I was going to take over the world I'd do it from an office building. Nice and organized, predictable, you'd never get lost, and there's always easily accessible bathrooms. I haven't seen a single bathroom since I came in here. Isn't that weird? Surely henchmen have to go to the bathroom every once in a while.
While I was stopped to examine a particularly interesting piece of abstract art, I started to feel a tingling sensation. I looked down at my hand and it was disappearing like Marty McFly when he accidentally dates his mom. A few seconds later I rematerialized back on the helicopter next to Sulu. Thank you, Scotty.
Relieved, I pull the episode out of my pocket to inspect it more carefully. Spicy Nacho? Cooler Ranch? It's a Doritos commercial looped over and over? It's a fake! All that trouble and I've come back empty handed!
Only four hours to go until premiere day is over, and I have no episode and no leads. There's only one man who can help me now.
"Mr Sulu, take us to Jurrasic Ranch."
The Hiatus (Part 8-6)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 10:03pm
SCOTLAND!
Moments after landing I find myself in Sean Connery's living room. This beaming thing can be a little disorienting. I appear to have interrupted some kind of musical recording session. I explain my situation to the board of directors.
"By George, I haven't heard of a screwup this bad since Jake Hanes signed up for advanced chemistry! I used to teach that class you know, it was called Sean Connery's Adventures with Chemistry I believe. I'll never forget the time that Junior and I..."
He talks a lot. I briefly consider pointing a microphone at him and recording for 20 minutes and calling it a show. That sounds like the kind of crazy thing we might do, nobody would ever know the difference. He's yelling something about elevators now. It looks like the DJ is going to interrupt.
"Didn't we just send these guys to New Zealand to film a movie? We've been spending thousands of dollars a day on a film crew waiting for them to show up while they bounce around Europe. Why are they recording episodes?"
Sensing a possible conflict, I interject with an explanation.
"Oh, yeah, it's like a reality show. It's about their adventures while getting to the movie set. You can put it in the DVD special features.. or something."
I can see this is going nowhere. Defeated, I excuse myself from the eccentric old guy actors and walk back to the helicopter to head home. Two hours left in the day, I should arrive back at the studio just in time to break the bad news.
The Hiatus (End)
posted by Chefgon on October 2, 2009 @ 11:59pm
THE END!
As you are likely aware by now, Episode 5 of the Steele/McFly World Tour has been kidnapped by protesting Hiatus fans. Since I can't make money without a show to air, and I'm too cheap to give away T-shirts, I set out on a daring adventure to rescue it. Unfortunately, I came back empty handed. My helicopter is setting down on the roof of Steele/McFly Productions right now. I'm not looking forward to breaking the bad news to my crew.
"Hey, man, that was fantastic!"
Some damn hippie protester is yelling at me. I don't need this right now.
"Way to send the Hiatus out with style! I liked the part with Sulu, that totally didn't make any sense but it sure was funny! Here's your episode back."
Wait, what? Is this.. this is the missing episode! What's going on here? Oh well, sometimes you don't have to understand something to know that you should take credit for it to make yourself rich.
So, Steele/McFly fans, your new episode has been rescued and released on time. By me. Chefgon. Your heartless producer. No, no, don't thank me. If you really must show your gratitude, then show it in the form of cash donations made payable to me. After all, I did rescue your favorite show from protesters or super villains or something. Would The Guild have done that for you? I don't think so.
So, without further ado, allow me to present the fifth episode of the Steele/McFly World Tour, sure to become an all time internet classic, Ireland!
Ireland : The Episode...Hiatus Review
posted by Ramone Barbossa on February 9, 2010 @ 5:08pm
As far as we know, this is the only documented kidnapping of a podcast episode...EVER!!! Luckily, the daring rescue attempt was updated bi-hourly on the now world famous text only/Hiatus page on this very web site.
Please, do yourself a favor and read all the harrowing details of Chefgon (fully cementing himself as the third Steele/McFly) and his fearless (as well as heartless) mission to recover the helpless, victimized World Tour episode.
Yes, I know, there ARE a lot of words there to read devoted "listeners"...but I understand there is a 100% money back guarantee that the benefit of reading this amazing tale start to finish will not only raise your IQ 10 points, but will also immunize you against H1N1. Besides, it is every bit as clever and unpredictable as you've come to expect from our recent Streamy nominees.
Just read it ya fruit.
Reviewer: Ramone "Bubba" Barbosa (no relation)